Pete The Elder

Q: What caused your car accident?

A: It had been raining off and on all day and I lost control while I was driving on a curvy road.

Q: Damned terrorist rain.

A: Correct. If Bush had invaded Iran and Syria by now I would not have to write this FAQ. Faster please.

Q: Were you injured in the accident?

A: No. In fact I am not even sore as I write this FAQ 48 hours later. Several people warned me that in an accident like this I would be very sore the next day. They were wrong. Very wrong indeed.

Q. How fast were you going at the time of the accident?

A: Not very. I was going less than the speed limit when I hydroplaned into oncoming traffic. When I hit the large truck with the large brush guard I was probably going less than 30 miles an hour. Unfortunately so was he, so our combined speeds were probably somewhere around 40-50 mph when we hit head on. Again, I blame the terrorist rain for this as my slamming on the brakes when I saw the truck in front of me did not instantly stop my car.

Q: That brush guard did a lot of damage didn't it?

A: Yes and it prevented all damage to his truck. Therefore my next car will have a brush guard, even if it is a compact car like my last my last one was. I may go ahead and put brush guards on all four sides of the car just to be safe.

Q: Considering the force of the impact and damage done to you car, how is it that you were not injured? Does this mean that you are some sort of god-like immortal?

A: Good question. No I am not an immortal. Merely a being who is nigh invulnerable. Sort of like Bruce Willis in the movie Unbreakable. Unbreakable was so much better than The Village. What was M. Night Shyamalan thinking?

Q: So does this mean that you will start standing around train stations and going after criminals who bump into you there?

A: Hold on a second, who says that I am going to go after criminals? I am pretty much a free agent in the fight of good against evil. If there is some sort of League of Destruction looking for new members or if the Sinister Six is willing to expand to expand to the Sinister Seven, I am willing to hear offers. That being said, if a group like the X-men or Fantastic Four can make me a better offer I will be willing to join with them as well. Also, I do not know yet if I have the power to tell who is a criminal or not just by touching them. If I do I will let you know.

Q: But don't you have to be a mutant to join the X-Men? And the Fantastic Four is a pretty crappy super hero group.

A: First, who says I am not a mutant. Second, yes the Fantastic Four do suck, except for The Thing who is cool. Third, both of those groups are led by very rich men who can afford to buy me a new car.

Q: So are you a mutant?

A: Maybe. I do not know.

Q: Mutant freak.

A: Once again, I am not saying I am a mutant.

Q: Didn't you previously argue that mutants were a threat to humanity and should all be locked up for our protection?

A: Just because I supported Senator Kelly's Mutant Registration Act in the past does not mean that I support it now. That is, unless I am not a mutant, in which case lets lock the freaks up.

Q: What is your vulnerability? Kryptonite? Water? Some sort of anti-mutagenic ray-gun?

A: You don't think I will give up the secret to my powers that easily, do you?

Q: I was sort of hoping you would.

A: Too bad.

Q: Wasn't this supposed to be a FAQ about your accident?

A: Yes.

Q: Okay then. I do not believe you that it was that bad of an accident. Where are the pictures to prove it?

A: Well the digital camera I had ordered from Amazon on Monday (before I knew I was going to have a car accident) arrived in the mail the day after the accident (Friday). I will post pictures after I visit the vehicle storage lot tomorrow.

Q: Will you get a large insurance settlement for your loss?

A: Unfortunately my car was a '98 Hyundai Accent with over 87,000 miles on it. I think the blue book entry for that is a bunch of snickering that you think the car has a resale value.

Q; Are you going to siphon the gas out of the tank?

A No, even though I had just filled it up at lunch that day and a coworker suggested that I siphon it. I will go and get my Simpsons steering wheel cover, dragon floor mats, and other random accessories from it. Plus I have a book on tape from the library that is stuck in the cassette player I will try to pry out. The lady at the storage lot told me I was not allowed to take any speakers or radios out of the car and I kind of laughed at her when she told me this since the radio did not pick up any stations before the accident. Unfortunately the W'04 bumber sticker will have to remain on the bumper.